i've been thinking a lot about dating, particularly modern dating, and what i've found (like most things modern today) is that we are extremely handicapped by a desire to be instantly gratified.

​

i’m not sure when characterising connections morphed from love-at-first-sight to love-at-first-pickup-line, but we have made that transition. ironically, we’re not only expecting sparks to fly instantly, we’ve also developed inflated expectations of love (we no longer want simple companions, but fully-formed soulmates). with that type of setup, it’s pretty expected that most relationships start off fiery, but don’t seem to stick around when we discover there’s no depth.

​

that type of spark you get in a couple of seconds? dating apps today lean into that. and i get it, i do. it’s addictive. you get an infinite carousel of smiling faces, some that really make you stop in your tracks and you swipe eagerly at them. it’s a manufacturing line of choices, a game of chance - because maybe if i like how you look, i’ll like the way you think too.

​

you probably know where i’m going with this, but i’m going to stop you right there and say that i do believe physical compatibility and attraction is really important. but i don’t think getting to know someone should start with a focus on that. if you look at the way dating apps today curate their experience, there is a clear design choice made to blow up images, focus on the faces, with all the fine print (arguably the stuff that matters most) below the fold. it’s no surprise that it’s become a holding ground for catfishes, one-night-stand hunters, and a series of instant relationships.

​

do i think it could be different?

​

hell yeah i do.

​

i believe it starts one real conversation at a time. and real conversations aren’t easy to have - the kind that lets you wander deep into the depths of a person’s mind. the kind that lets you figure out how a person ticks, the things they hold dear to them, their dreams and their joys. and what i’ve observed, quite frankly, is that we suck at having those conversations. most of us do. why? it’s mainly because we’re not good at asking the right questions that elicit that sort of response. when was the last time you figured out someone’s origin story for whatever job they held? or the last time you learned about a deeply rooted insecurity of theirs? or maybe narrate in vivid detail the challenges they might have gone through last week?

​

we sort of like to teeter at the surface, being satisfied with feel-good light banter. but i truly believe that learning about a person to that degree might be a more meaningful way to foster a connection, regardless of whether or not that connection balloons into something that holds more weight.

​

so that’s what i’m going to try to do here.

​

we’re building a telebot, one centred on difficult questions and deep conversations.

​

and on top of that, we’re going to help you remove relationship clutter and hesitancy. we’ll take away difficult decisions, like ending a match for the two of you after 48 hours of radio silence, or notifying both of you if you both signal you’re ready to get past the texting stage into the meeting stage.

​

if that sounds like an experience you would love to try, have a go right now at @ambleprojectbot on Telegram.

​

and psst… we’re mainly serving the singaporean crowd right now, so hold up if you’re not residing in singapore (but do let us if you want this to reach you)!